Dear Beloved Family- You Don’t Have A Testimony
# 7 –04/01/07
Dear Beloved Family,
Life was good. Everything was going as I had planned. A few more years of working, and I would cut back to two days a week. Then down to one day a week. The house and cars were paid for, and I had a nice nest egg in my saving account. I had almost enough money saved to trade my car in and buy a new car outright for the first time! I was in the word and it says in Job 36:11, “If they obey and serve him, they will spend the rest of their days in prosperity and their years in contentment.” And then in Job 22:21, “Submit to God and be at peace with him; in this way prosperity will come to you.” I had been trying to obey, submit, and serve God, so I thought life was going to continue to increase in contentment and prosperity. Satan’s attacks started slowly, so I didn’t noticed them at first. I started to have small health issues. Then two years ago I started having major problems with my neck, arms, and shoulders hurting while working. Being proactive, I stepped up nutritional and chiropractic care. The last nine months of work were excruciating. All I could think of, was I can’t do this anymore. I consulted holistic medical care wanting to stay away from synthetic drugs and their many side effects. But all the steps that I took didn’t help, and I ended up with the final blow of a panic attack at work. When this happened, I knew, if I walk away without trying again the fear would paralyze me. So I took some anti- anxiety pills and continued to work that day. I made it through the day, so the next day, I went again. This time I needed to take the pills before work and got though the day. The third day I needed to take the anti-anxiety medicine before work and at lunch to get through the day. On the fourth day, I took the pills before work and by the time I was at work, I was so anxious, I realized I was going to have to go home. I tried, but it was time to call it quits. Now the depression started to overtake me. I started to complain, by saying, “ God, how could you let this happen to me. This isn’t fair. I’ve obeyed and submitted to you and this is what I get!” Joe and I had recently change churches, because, I felt our present church wasn’t helping us grow, as we needed. As much as I liked the teachings at our new church, I missed being at church with mom, Alisha, and Hayleah. But Matthew 19: 29, says, “And everyone who has left house, or brother, or sister, or father, or mother, or children, or field for my sake will receive a hundred times as much and will inherit eternal life. We had left our family and comfort of our old church, for his sake and to get to know Him better and all hell breaks lose. This was not the way I expected things to go. One day I was so discouraged, my health hadn’t got better, I had almost used up all my savings, trying to find answers for my health, and my panic attacks were getting worse. I thought, “ What good has all this been for.” I wanted to just quit our new church and stop learning and living the word. I wanted to just go back to the days when, I didn’t know the word, and live like the rest of the world lives----for myself. But deep inside, I knew I couldn’t, because I knew the truth. I knew, I would be unhappy trying to live a lie. My new friend at church, Ann, was trying to comfort me and I was complaining, about how defeated I felt. I told her I had been writing this family letter, and I didn’t think all this was going to be a good testimony. Who would want to follow the word if this is what you have to go through? Ann said, “ Diane, you can not have a testimony, without a test! I didn’t know I had to have a test for a testimony. I just wanted to testify to you what I had learned through studying the word. I didn’t know I would be tested to see how much I had learned. 1 Peter 4: 12 says, “ Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal among you, which comes upon you for your testing, as though some strange thing were happening to you.” I was finding out, living the word was much harder than knowing the word. The first week of not working, God woke me up and said, “Be still, and know that I am God.” I didn’t know if that was a verse or not. I checked Bible Gateway on the Internet, but it didn’t come up as a verse. I felt God was telling me I needed to learn to trust Him. Let me tell you, it is much easier to trust Him when life is going good. But when you are in a test, you whole spirit, soul, and body is screaming, “This isn’t fair. I don’t deserve this. Why do people who don’t serve you seem to have better lives! I was failing the test and I knew it. My body was winning the battle for my soul. My spirit was defeated and crushed. I had a lot to learn on living the word, not just knowing the word. I needed to learn to trust Him when all seems bleak. In James 1:12 it says, “Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial; for once he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life which the Lord has promised to those who love Him.
With sincere Love Diane
P.S. A few weeks ago I received a Christian store flyer. One of the books they were selling was called “ Be still and know that I’m God". Below the title was Psalms 46:10